Bump, that's me back to earth.

Having recently returned from holiday with the batteries almost fully charged, and sufficient energy to write a couple or so blogs. My answer phone is full to capacity, with requests from members of a patients group I run, asking for advice on this or that. A couple telling me they missed me at the last meeting, I fact one even said that it was rubbish without me, flattery will get her anything she wants. The drawback is she is 87 and wears Nora Batty stockings, (for the benefit of those across the pond N.B Stockings are thick brown elasticated socks that normally slip down the leg forming creases) other then that she's a real sweetie.



In addition to my members requests there's a message from Specialist Respiratory Sister Norma Brandish, "Hi Keith when you get back can you give me a ring most important and I need a favour, oh I hope you enjoyed your holiday, is Joyce OK ? love Norma" So not being one to let anyone down I ring Monday " Thoracic Medicine" Hi can I speak to Norma please? "Yes, is that Keith" " yes is that Pat" "Yes how did the holiday go?" Twenty minutes later I remember it's my call, "anyway put Norma on and I'll catch up with you next week in clinic". "Sorry Keith you've JUST missed her she's gone out on house calls, I'll get her to ring when she gets back". " How long as she been gone" about ten minutes, (long pause) Oh.........I'll get her to ring" "thanks Pat.

Norma rang back about 4.30 ish, Hiya Keith how did the holiday go, another fifteen minutes, I'm not bothered though it's their phone this time. Eventually, Norma says I need to ask you a mega favour," you can always ask says I" We have two new lots of patients for the rehabilitation course and could you do one of your talks to boost them up a bit, because there all early stage C.O.P.D. and a couple in particular are showing signs of depression. Yeh OK Norma when is the first one? "Thursday and the second clinic on the 23rd can you do both of them"? " By heck Norma you don't half give a lot of notice, but for you anything". I'm such a creep. But it's nice to feel useful now and then.

So there I am feeling rather full of myself in the last couple of weeks, I'm feeling well in myself, people seem to need me in some capacity or other. I've had some nice comments on my blogs (past present and future) where I turned back the clock to reminisce about my younger days of long long ago. All of which confirmed what I have long known, I'm still about 35 I'm fit healthy, a bit of a Jack the lad, been there done that and bought the tee shirt. Then I remember the lyrics of a Tom Jones Number " Then I awake and look around me, and see the four grey walls that surround me, and then I realise I was only dreaming" For those that might be wondering no I'm not in prison, it just feels like that sometimes. When people ask why do you push yourself so hard, I suppose it's down too the mind set of a 35 year old in a older body, that will not totally surrender to the ageing process.

Then this morning the boss comes into the den, I know she's the boss because I have her permission to say so. Did you read that letter yesterday from the social security. No, it will be my higher rate disability cheque which I get each and every week( subject to postal strikes) in addition to the standard rate of incapacity benefit, I receive a further £18.36 which only serves to remind me that I am pretty much knacked. Why they cannot pay it as one payment beats me, but no it as to be separate. You would think one payment would save them money in the long run.

No it's not your disability cheque, I really think you should read it says Joyce !! So now my mind is running riot. It's not my cheque, it's a day early and Joyce thinks I should read it. Oh Shit they don't believe me and they want the money back, a quick calculation tells me that, an average of £18 per week times 52 weeks times 5 years is Oh double shit, that's £4600 ish. Well all I can say is I hope they can whistle Dixie. So go on then Joyce put me out of my misery, what does it say. Here, read it yourself !!
Dear Mr Orton,
On reviewing our records we note that you are now able to claim benefits to the winter fuel allowance. Therefore please find our cheque for two hundred pounds to supplement the cost of your heating over the forthcoming winter period. The Cold Weather allowance is available to the old and infirmed to provide warmth and comfort in your own home. Etc,etc,etc I remain yours Etc.

So that is when I hit the ground with a bump. So that's it, it's official, it must be right because the government says so. I am officially past my Best Before Date. I guess I'll just have to live with it I am OLD.
So in the course of one letter from feeling on top of the world too feeling well and truly P****D OFF. You no doubts will excuse me whilst I go and have a real good sulk.

The Photo :- Taken in my younger days Royal Engineers T.A. aged 22, now I'm really really nafted off.