Home is the sailor home from the sea.Off of the ship and hospital for me.
Well I’d love to say I enjoyed my latest cruise, but I would have to put my tongue right into my cheek if I said I did.
This blog as taken something like nine weeks to be published, the reason First Choice Holidays/ Island Cruises. Having read the blog I am sure the reader would agree that a formal complaint would not be unreasonable. But what do you think?
Don’t get me wrong there was very little wrong with the ship for the able bodied, the food, entertainment or the company we kept.
It was mainly down to the this bloody condition of mine. I wouldn’t mind but to say I took all the necessary precautions that I possibly could , and paid for the privilege.
Ninety nine times out of a hundred I follow my own instincts and I suppose the same could be said of this particular holiday. I booked on the spur of the moment, so nothing new there then!! But on this occasion I asked about taking my own oxygen. Big Mistake. The airline said I could take my own oxygen for resort use only, and could not be used on the aircraft. I would have to order and use oxygen supplied by them at a cost of £75.00 each way. I explained that for a flight of just over two hours I wouldn’t need oxygen, and I was quite happy to use the oxygen on the ship only (If Needed).
But the very fact that I had mentioned the possible need for oxygen, placated the need to fill in a twelve page questionnaire of which only about three questions related to my circumstances anyway. In addition I had to get a letter from my doctor to say that I was fit to fly and that aviation oxygen was suitable for my condition. My doctor confirmed all that was required, and threw in for good measure that on a short haul flight it was unlikely that I would need oxygen.All too no avail.
But having spoken to both the airline and cruise line I was satisfied that all was in place for a stress free holiday, i.e. I was able to take my electric buggy on board the ship, arrangements for assistance whilst boarding the plane, and transfers from the airport to the ship in Palma. So all that was required was to sit back and await the day of departure.
The 24Th March, one day prior to sailing, I receive a letter from the travel company in response to my twelve page questionnaire, notifying me that I would not be allowed to take my own oxygen, and that no oxygen would be available on the ship unless pre-booked at least two weeks prior to departure. The oxygen on board is only for emergencies.
Major Tom to ground control. I have just gone into orbit. Back on the phone, use what ever skills you acquired in your sales career I tell myself. Ever so politely I give a reference code and enquire, “Can I assume that your special needs department have not communicated the conversation I had with ......... ........ on the 27th of February with regard to my own oxygen “I’m sorry Mr Orton but I was asked to write to inform you that the oxygen was not allowed on board”.(I’m still being very polite)” I have a e-mail in my hand From ...... ...... that states quite defiantly that I can take my own oxygen, but I am not allowed to use it other then in the resort, which by the way is a ship” “ Also can I enquire as to what sort of organisation writes to a client the day before departure with the type of news you are imparting, when you received the questionnaire in very early February. All documentation that you required from me you required as urgent and was replied to by return............. “Can You Hold Mr Orton”.(Opus 53 in E flat minor) for 15 minutes.
I have spoken to my supervisor who say’s if you have documentation from ...... ...... stating you may take your oxygen then that’s fine Mr Orton. “Right what I now require from you is a e-mail to this address. Confirming our conversation and that you confirm I am able to take my oxygen on the flight along with the name of your supervisor”. “Ah but Mr Orton” Er, no ah buts’ I shall expect the e-mail within one hour, and thanks for your assistance.
Thirty minutes later my e-mail arrived, which covered all the bases.
With more paper work then I had ever travelled with before we arrive at the airport, armed for all eventualities we approach the check in desk. “Good morning Mr Orton we have reserved seating for you, and we have arranged for assistance for boarding the plane, can you manage on your buggy up to the plane then we will put it in the hold for you”? “Yes that’s ideal for me thanks”. “Just the two cases”? “Yes” and two pieces of hand luggage? “Yes” here we go I thinks, but no the luggage is loaded on the weight sensitive belt all ok there then, and there it was gone. So far so good but I was dreading going through the x-ray at passport control, and in particular the hand luggage.
Oh well as my old mum used to say “A faint heart never won a fair maiden”. So here we go then me the wife two pieces of hand luggage and an electric buggy.( AT THIS POINT I HAVE AMENDED MY ORIGINAL BLOG because I feel that it was not suitable for general release) Enough metal work to set off every alarm in the airport. In one of the bags I had, a portable nebuliser and a battery charger for the buggy. The other contained, a box of medication that would rival a pharmacy for tablets and a cosmetics bag for the wife.
So the bags go through the x-ray I go round the metal detector to receiver a pat down by a security officer, I didn’t mind one bit but I would have preferred the good looking blond lady next to the bloke that patted me down. I digress, on collecting my bags two BIG security guards have placed my bags on to one of the side tables. “Are these your bags sir” “yes” “ would you mind unpacking both bags please”. “Is it ok if the wife does it”? “ Just get them unpacked sir (with attitude)” You should have seen their faces they were as they say “A Picture” You do realise that you cannot take these aboard a aircraft sir!! “Oh yes I can I have permission in writing for me to carry on board my medical supply”. May we see your documentation ? “ I thought you might want that, were shall we start from three months ago or as recent as yesterday, have it all I have highlighted the passages relating to what you are questioning”.
These are not on headed paper sir!! No they are e-mails from First Choice Airlines and if you wish you could contact .............. .............. at customer services (special needs) to confirm there validity. “No Sir that seems to be in order, and these sir”? My medication, “and this bag sir”? “ The wife’s makeup bag” “ Did you read the declaration at check-in regarding dangerous items”? “Yes” “then we shall have to confiscate these tweezers and this liquid foundation crème” “Oh absolutely it’s nice to know you chaps are on the ball when it comes to dangerous items”. I got the feeling that they thought I was taking the p---, ME would I?
So we are on our way, all went well up to entering the aircraft, you may recall they had sat me at the front in row 2, but the plane was now loading in the centre, but thanks to a astute stewardess she managed to get me a swap into row 12, for which I was most grateful. Twenty minutes after take off I was brought my oxygen that the airline had supplied. Did I need it “No” did I use it “yes” well at cost of £75.00 each way with no refunds if it was not used, wouldn’t you have used it.
On landing in Palma no problems till I get out side to find the transfer buses to the port are double deckers with the down stairs fully taken. Having explained to the courier that I could not climb stairs they implied I could hire a taxi to get me to the port. I don’t think so say’s I producing from my ream of paper the request for a taxi to the port if the transport provided was a continental coach with many stairs or high steps. On production of this document, they very quickly arranged a people carrier which four of our fellow passengers were most grateful to benefit from.
On arrival at the ship the “Island Escape” we were allocated a disabled cabin on deck four, which was suitable for purpose and not much more. I have always had outside staterooms previously and found it very claustrophobic, although I had originally wanted an outside suite they had amended my booking to a disabled cabin due to the fact that I would not have been able to get my buggy through a standard cabin door. I have to say that I have travelled on a number of cruise lines and never experienced the type of badly thought out facilities for the disabled traveller.
Every cruise ship is required by maritime law to carry out a lifeboat drill within the first twenty four hour of embarkation. Each passenger is required to report to the muster station on the sounding of the alarm, seven short and one long blast of the ships horn. At which point all lifts are turned off, now I am on deck 4 the muster station is on deck 8, I am to wait for manual assistance for someone to I assume carry me up 4 decks which is 8 flights of stairs, considering I weigh 17st 4lbs so I reckon they would need to send a couple of burly chaps.
In addition, nowhere on any deck was there a disabled toilet, the toilets that were on the decks had a raised lip at the doorway and were therefore not accessible to a number of disabled passengers. Which means that wherever you are on the ship, you must return to your cabin to alleviate your functional requirements. Not the best situation when you need a lift as they are either full, or going up and you want down, or get to the deck either above or below your deck and then go up or down missing your deck completely. Also apart from being able to get onto the fantail of the ship, there was no way I could get out onto the promenade decks, as once again there were three inch raised lip in the door frames, which I could bounce my buggy over but then I get stuck as the buggy is to low to clear the door frame before the back wheels are able to propel me over. So there’s me sat on a see-saw and well and truly stuck. Tried it once never again, by now you will have concluded as I had this ship is not disabled friendly.
But the best was yet to come, the first port of call was Obliea in Sardinia, I enquired at reception about a suitable shore excursion, I was told that there wasn’t one that would be suitable for me to use my buggy. So I asked if I could go into town on the buggy, the answer was yes but it was about a twenty minute walk and not much to see unless you could get into the main part of the town, which they felt was doubtful. So not to worry we’ll stay on board, I’m not bothered as long as I can get to Rome. Well Mr Orton that too might pose a problem. “Why I was there in September and there was no problem, that was on the Norwegian Gem a proper ship”. We only use the double decker coaches and the drivers will not load your buggy because they are not insured. Well I am going to Rome so what do you suggest. To be fair the lady, she did say that she would look into the possibility of what she called a van, but meant a people carrier, so I left it with her to try to come up with a solution.
That evening on returning to our cabin there was a note pushed under the door. Can I contact the excursion desk in the morning as a suitable vehicle could be arranged but it might prove too expensive? The following morning I called at the desk to be told that a van would cost 400 Euros, and could you find someone to share the cost? How soon do you need to know ? by 4.00pm ships time. We had seen the couple that shared the people carrier from the airport around the ship so I enquired If they were going into Rome. Bingo same problem as us accessibility so I told them that I was considering hiring a people carrier to get there at a cost of 400 euros, sounds good to us, and my Brother and his wife were with us would there be room . You bet your life there is it as eight seats, so job sorted, I went back to the reception desk and got it booked.
We arranged to meet on the Friday morning at 8.00am the pick up time was 8.15. All present and correct so we make our way down to deck 3 to disembark, at that point the van had not arrived so we went on to the dock, I could not have been out there for more then two minutes it was windy and very cold and the wind got me. My airways immediately shut down and I was gasping for breath, I had no choice I had to get back on board how I managed to steer my buggy back on board I’ll never know but I did and for the next twenty minutes I was fighting to control my breathing, needless to say the van came and went, Joyce had given Stewart and his wife 200 euros and sent them on there way. All the time passengers were coming past me to get off the ship and although I am gasping to get my breath you can still see clearly what is going on around you, and I was getting some right funny looks I might add. Joyce was asked on two or three occasions should they send for the doctor, Joyce knows that left alone to control my breathing is the best thing to do so declined the doctor, but she also knows when I cannot get on top of my breathing and need a doctor. Put it down to years of experience, or as Hilda Baker catch phase goes “She knows you know”.
So twenty some minutes later I felt able to get back to the cabin, for the rest of the morning and a fair bit of the afternoon I slept. That evening we all met up in the lounge bar, to be told of a super day that had been had by all, made even better by the fact that the driver not only took them into Rome and gave them the grand tour, he then took them to various points of interest and waited till they had looked and taken pictures then moved on to the next site. This would have been fantastic for me, but cel-a-vie, so that was my Rome.
The next port of call was for Florence or Pisa, but unfortunately it was a non docking port so tenders were used to get people ashore so that again ruled me out, I might just have made it into a tender but sure as hell I wouldn’t be able to get out so that was another day stuck on board. The following day we docked in Nice, to a dull overcast morning so having been to Nice and Monaco on previous occasions I was not that bothered about going ashore. The following day however was Marhon in Minorca, which I knew was flat and quite a nice town well worth a visit. But once again the Gods transpired against me yet again, the Captain announced over the P.A.system that due to inclement weather the port of Marhon was closed, but we would circle the Island a few times to see if things improved, they didn’t and at about 3.00pm the ship set off to return to Palma. So apart from about two minutes on the dock for Rome I never got of the ship.
On the plus side the entertainment was first class, the food was adequate, but other then that there wasn’t a lot to shout about, as one of our fellow passengers said “ I would describe it as Butlins on Water. Now I am not a snob but I know just what they meant.
So it will come as no surprise when I tell you that I couldn’t wait to disembark and get to the airport to get home. But my troubles were not quite at an end at this stage oh no siree, you will recall the coach from the airport to the ship situation, I was assured that suitable arrangements would be made for my return to the airport on the conclusion of the cruise, I bet you cannot guess what arrangements had been made. Yep you’ve got it “not a dam thing”. So once again we went through the “ I was assured bit all over again” anyway a taxi was arranged, which duly arrived once loaded up the driver asked the courier to sign her docket for payment. The courier looked at me and said “ You’ll be paying for the taxi Mr Orton. Surprise surprise I never said a word, I worked on the principle why get agitated by arguing the ethics and responsibilities of the tour operators. Just get me home. I’ve had enough and when I’ve had enough, I have had enough.
Palma airport, bells are ringing buzzers sounding, well I’m nor surprised I’ve still got the same items in my hand luggage, so having got through the pat down bit I went to collect my bags anticipating another long drawn out explanation. To my surprise not a word was said, it was the bloke behind me that set the alarms off. So just the flight home to negotiate, then I could relax for the first time in ten days.
I do hope my cruising days are not over, as under normal circumstances every thing is at hand and you are never more then a couple of hundred yards from what ever is happening on board. So for someone with my disabilities cruising is/was a first class option.
Although I shall not be availing myself of the services of Island Cruises and First Choice Holidays in fact in my opinion they should be renamed “Last Choice Holidays” they certainly will be in the Orton household. I should add a caveat to that “The cabin crew on both outward an inward flights were first class and could not have done more to ensure my flights were comfortable”.
Then to top it all two days after my return I finish up in hospital with a chest infection and stress induced fatigue. That was a new one on me. So the lesson to be learned is Keep My Cool under all adversities, or as Doctor Banner (The incredible hulk) say’s “don’t get me mad, you wont like me if I get mad”.
Oh well here’s to the next holiday somewhere less adventurous perhaps Scotland or the Isle of Man?
